Can We Make Ourselves Happy?

The most common reason people come to a coach is because they’re not happy about something, whether that is themselves, their life situation, or any aspect of life, and it’s my job to help a person figure out what needs to change.

Now, there will always be things in life that we can change, things that are within our control, and there will also be plenty that we cannot affect, that we cannot control, so what then?

The truth is, the only thing we can truly control is ourselves, that’s it. And this, in the grand scheme of the world may not sound like a lot, but it really is when you think about it in the right way. We cannot control the world around us, but if we accept that the world around us is not our experience, that our experience is from the inside of us and not the outside, then we can control everything we need to control. I cannot change the weather outside, but I can choose how I feel about it.

Remember that phrase, “Don’t cry over spilt milk”? What does that mean? It means the milk has been spilt, it’s happened and you can’t unspill it. It means that now the milk has been spilt, you have a choice, you could cry over it and make yourself feel really depressed. You could focus on that spilt milk as another thing in life that’s gone wrong, or you could clean it up, decide that a bit of milk is hardly a big deal, then move on with your day without letting it affect your emotional state. Which one sounds more appealing to you? Has it changed the event? No. The milk was still spilt. All that’s changed is your experience of it. Does that prove to you that our experience is internal and not external?

I’ll just leave you with this. If you accept now that the only thing you can control is yourself, then next time you hear yourself say, “That person makes me feel…” Or, “When they say… It makes me so…” Etc. etc., just pause, and remember you have a choice about how you react to everything, yes everything! If your boss makes you furious, or your family frustrate you, or you think every time someone irritates you you just have to eat a bar of chocolate, I’m afraid to say, you’re wrong. No-one is making you do or feel anything. That’s all on you. Decide now how you’re going to react differently. Decide now that that thing or that person who used to anger you or upset you isn’t going to have that affect any more. You can’t change their behaviour, they’re still going to do those things that affect you, so just decide how you’d rather feel about it, and make it happen. It really is that simple. Would I lie to you? No! I never lie about these things! Just to clarify, if you’re unhappy about a situation that you can change, then it’s up to you to decide if you should change the situation, change jobs if you hate your job for example, or do what I’m talking about here, and decide how you want to feel about it. So really, you have the power here! You always have the power, it’s just up to you to use it to your advantage. Not for anyone else’s benefit, just yours and yours alone.

Come and see me for a coaching session and I’ll tell you my story of how I decided not to have a phobia any more… A serious phobia at that. I’ll prove to you how you can do exactly the same. Because I’m no better than you. I’m no wiser. If I can do it, you or anyone else can too!